I gave up making resolutions years ago. It hasn’t stopped me from thinking that I should make one, and then stick with it for more than a week. A day. An hour. Okay, longer than it takes for the thought to pop into my head, and then leave.
See, that’s the problem. I never stick with them for very long, so I’ve developed the attitude of “Why bother to make one?”
Well, this coming year is going to be different. I came across some realistic ( for me ) resolutions, and with a bit of luck and a lot of willpower, I might just be able to stick with them.
Behold; My New Year’s Resolution List:
1. I’m going to gain weight. At least 25 pounds. Bring on the brownies; I think I can do this one!
2. I vow to never again take a laxative and a sleeping pill on the same night. ‘Nuff said.
3. I’m going to come up with another excuse to give my boss for taking time off every three weeks or so. I mean, come on, how many times can “friends that I haven’t seen in years are coming into town…” be a convenient excuse for wanting to stay home and sit on the couch, eating brownies so that I‘ll gain weight?
4. I’ll get rid of at least two of my ten E-mail addresses. All of my friends have them all anyhow, so why do I need that many?
5. Speaking of computers…( I was, wasn’t I? )… I vow to stop E-mailing, Instant Messaging, chatting on Facebook, and talking on the telephone with the same person at the same time.
6. I vow to spend less than one hour on the computer. This should be easy since I won’t be E-mailing, Instant Messaging, chatting on Facebook, or talking on the telephone at the same time with the same person.
7. I will balance my checkbook. (On my nose.)
8. When driving, I will keep extra space between my car and the police car in front of me. Who know, I could accidentally rear-end my brother, who is a police officer, and he’d never let me hear the end of it if he were to give me my first-ever traffic ticket.
9. I’m going to read less books. Knowledge is a dangerous thing. It can really wreck your head.
10. I will stop saying “Oh, that feels nice!” whenever the security guys frisk me at the airport. Of course, this means I’ll have to start removing all metal objects that I’ve purposely placed in my pockets and conveniently “forget” to remove and place on the tray. Okay, this one might be a little tough for me to stick with.
11. I will start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store.
12. I will look up the words “resolution” and “liar” in the dictionary, just to see if my picture is there.
Well, there you have it. My list of New Year’s Resolutions. I think I can stick with them.
Here’s wishing you all a very Happy Holiday season, a prosperous New Year, and willpower. Please wish me the same. I’m already re-thinking some of my resolutions...
Pianolady
December, 2009
